The journey of healing miscarriage grief can be a lonely, and sometimes isolating, path to navigate. You do NOT have to travel it alone.
My name is Chantell, and I am a 5 time miscarriage survivor who has walked the path of miscarriage grief.
Therefore, with true empathy today we will cover how you can navigate your own miscarriage grief and find the peace you are seeking.
What questions will be addressed today:
- What is miscarriage grief?
- What are the 7 stages of miscarriage grief?
- What NOT to do during your miscarriage grieving?
- 5 Practices you can do now to help navigate miscarriage grief?
- How to talk about your miscarriage and what to expect.
I am not a doctor. The information given is purely meant to inform not treat. Please consult your doctor for your personal medical care.
What is miscarriage grief?
Overall, miscarriage grief mirrors that of any personal loss!
Too often we work under the impression that miscarriage is somehow different than losing a loved one???
When we reframe miscarriage properly we clearly understand that miscarriage is mourning the loss of something important and it needs to be grieved.
***Feel in control during a time of such uncertainty. The FREE miscarriage recovery supply checklist covers your basic first week needs.
What are the 7 stages of miscarriage grief?
All in all, there are 7 stages of miscarriage grief you can expect to pass through.
- Denial and Shock
- Pain and Guilt
- Anger
- Depression
- Upward Turn
- Reconstruction and Working Through
- Acceptance and Hope
This list is not numbered because you can, and will most likely, rotate through each stage more than once.
In addition, over time the speeds at which you visit each stage will shorten. Especially, if you have been working on your tools to move forward from the miscarriage recovery guidebook.
See sample pages of Miscarriage Grief in the Guidebook here.
What NOT to do during your miscarriage grieving?
Never blame yourself!
The truth is, there really is nothing you did wrong, so do NOT blame yourself!
Destructive questions like these will creep in:
- Did I do something wrong?
- I shouldn’t be this sad, right?
Your job is to NOT let these questions become truths.
Firstly, miscarriages naturally occur for many reasons.
Secondly, it is perfectly normal to be devastated and express deep sadness. As mentioned above miscarriage is mourning the loss of something important and it needs to be grieved.
At any rate, blaming yourself is corrosive and self-destructive. The sooner you can move on from that lie the sooner you will be able to heal and move forward.
>>> Access this FREE download that will walk you through simple, repeatable, practices I personally used during my 5 miscarriage recoveries.
5 Practices you can do now to help navigate miscarriage grief?
By the time I finished grieving my 5th miscarriage, I noticed 5 distinct practices that helped me to navigate such an emotional time.
Though, mainly addressing women who have miscarried, these 5 practices will also help any spouse as well.
Related topic: I miscarried! What do I need for recovery?
1. Remember there is NO timeline for your recovery!
Recovery is very individual to your specific needs. Processing grief takes time.
That is why it is so important to not set unrealistic expectations.
Instead, expect recovery to take longer than you think, then slowly work on processing it.
Related topic: 4 ways to survive the holidays when you are heavy with miscarriage grief.
2. Assign a “checker”
Assign someone the job of being your “checker”. They will have the job of checking in on you and letting you know if you should seek additional help.
Specifically, select someone who knows you very well and has a good sense of how you handle emotional situations.
3. Self-care
While addressing your emotional and physical recovery empower yourself with the simple acts of self-care.
- Relaxing showers
- Fancy lotions
- Paint your toes
- Read a book
- Splurge on a treat, movie, or something special
- Find/make quiet time for yourself
- Take a week off from work or other obligations
The idea is to focus on you!!!
Read gift suggestions.
When you build yourself up you will be better equipped to emotionally cope with your miscarriage grief.
4. The “It’s Okay to…” phrase:
In truth, with each personal miscarriage, I had to come to terms with my grief and the questions that would naturally arise.
Hence, these natural questions lead to the “It’s Okay to…” phrase.
- It’s Okay to.. ask Why
- It’s Okay to… be Sad
- It’s Okay to… Talk
- It’s Okay to… Honor
Without a doubt, miscarriage grief wants to be acknowledged.
So, how do you do that?
Action Step: Start by answering the 4 questions above daily. Write them down in your journal or FREE recovery download.
With this in mind you give yourself permission to embrace the deep emotional roots of your miscarriage. They are okay to bring up, though it may hurt or even feel painful.
5. The 15 minutes excuse
Surprisingly, I loved this simple technique (pictured below) that I started to implement around my 3rd miscarriage.
Get this technique and more in the FREE miscarriage recovery-processing download.
>>> Find more helpful ways to navigate your miscarriage grief FREE recovery download.
How to talk about your miscarriage and what to expect.
Talking about the hard things is just that, hard! You will know when you are ready to talk about it.
A few ways to talk with different groups:
- Talk in person: The face-to-face time will allow more intimate conversation and emotional support. General, kept for very close people in your life
- Writing to others: Sharing your hardships through writing is best suited for extended family, neighbors, friends, and co-workers. You can keep it brief and ask for no questions if you want.
Pictured below: Exert from Miscarriage Recovery-Processing Free download.
More about miscarriage grief in FREE recovery download.
- Kids, if you have any: Sharing with kids can be hard. Keep your words simple and clear. Try, “The baby stopped growing.” Pay attention to behavior changes in your child that may suggest mourning.
What might surprise you after sharing your miscarriage?
To point out from experience a few things will happen when you start to share your miscarriage.
- You might be surprised at the support you will receive.
- The stories that other women have to share, some you may have never known.
- Added strength now that you are not carrying your miscarriage grief alone.
Need someone to talk to? Learn about a One-On-One With me.
Disclaimer for different reactions:
Some people do not understand the depth of your sorrow and may share hurtful words, whether intentional or unintentional.
Comments such as, “Maybe you will have better luck next time.” or “Luckily, you weren’t that far along.”, do not provide comfort.
I apologize now. In my experience, they mean well but it can cut deep when you are emotionally vulnerable.
Another disclaimer worth mentioning is spousal mourning. Your spouse may express their mourning differently than you, but that does not mean they care less about the miscarriage.
For this reason, talk about your grief together or seek outside sources for counsel.
Final thought’s
To repeat, the journey of healing miscarriage grief can be a lonely, and sometimes isolating, path to navigate.
I hope now you feel better equipped to navigate your miscarriage grief recovery.
Remember: You do NOT have to travel it alone!
- Miscarriage Recovery Guidebook is self-paced!
- Close friends and family.
- Email me any miscarriage questions. [email protected]
Together with God and all those who love you, I wish you well as you navigate your miscarriage grief recovery…
One.Day.At.A.Time.
Hello Friend! I’m Chantell…
Wife, Mother of 5 earthly & 6 heavenly babies, and love God. I blog about Motherhood. Read More
Current Mother Counsel: The best quote that got you through hard times? >>>Weigh in here
