Miscarriage #4 Part 1

What my life was like at that time.

No one could have prepared me for what was to come!

I had just recovered from miscarriage #3 in September, waited a cycle like my doctor instructed, and then began trying to conceive.

We were in Arizona visiting family for Christmas when I told my mom I had been spotting about a dime size everyday that month. No pain or sickness associated with it.

I didn’t think much of it, but she did.

Christmas morning I suddenly felt dizzy, lightheaded, nauseas, and had to lay down, but then it went away. Two days later it happened again.

My mom told me to call a local doctor or she was going to take me in. (Moms just know things.)

The nurse asked all the personal history questions and when my last period was. I said the end of November. We decided to start ruling thing’s out and soon she came back and told me I was pregnant. I was actually surprised. How I thought? When?

She questioned the dates I gave her for my “period” then asked what days I had been spotting that month? To get more answers I went in for an ultrasound.

The ultrasound tech found an embryo measuring barley 5 weeks. No heartbeat but it still could be too early to tell, she said.

Then she made a funny gesture;

I asked,  “What do you see?”

Her response was, “I think I see another one back there lets do a vaginal ultrasound.”

What, possible twins?

This appointment was evolving very quickly. I changed and went back to see what was to become of my ultrasound.

Though we were able to get a good look at my reproductive track there was only one embryo visible, in the uterus.

I left the doctors office with hope. She prescribed me progesterone and told me to follow up with my local doctor. Side note don’t take progesterone on an empty stomach. I was so dizzy and nauseous I almost fell down the stairs.

A long week and a half later I went in for my 2^nd ultrasound, hopeful yet preparing for the worst. The tech confirmed the embryo had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat. (Should have been around 7 ½ weeks along)

I was very sad but held it together in the office.  My doctor gave me three choices…

My three options to proceed forward with my miscarriage were…

1. Take medication to induce the miscarriage naturally.
2. Wait for my body to process the miscarriage naturally on its own.
3. Schedule a D&C

The Doctor recommended a D&C since I had already gone so long without naturally miscarrying.

Quick recap of my last few months, I was pregnant for 8 weeks, miscarriage naturally 2 weeks, healed 4 weeks, had a period 1 week, then 7 weeks pregnant currently but my body had shown no signs of being ready to miscarry. Waiting to naturally miscarry seemed too emotional at this point and a D&C just felt right. I scheduled the D&C.

How I dealt with the physical loss. (D&C)

In the same day surgery center I met with the anesthesiologist and doctor. The nurses prepped me for surgery.

Surgery went great! But post-surgery recovery was not going well.

I became nauseous and couldn’t keep anything down. I was so dizzy anytime I sat up that I could not dress myself, there was pounding in my ears, and I was light headed. Not long after that I began to feel pain in my side under my right rib cage. The pain did not stop but slowly increased. Hours later I was transferred to another unit because same day surgery was closing.

My doctor ordered an X-Ray. I anxiously awaited the results. Now transferred to the labor and delivery recovery floor. I got to listen to the crying babies while I lay in pain physically and emotionally, with no baby to show. It seemed one of life’s cruel jokes.

The results of my X-Ray came back….. “Bowel back up causing gas to put pressure on your body!”

That’s it?????

By now the pain had increased. It would travel up my back to my shoulders. Like lightning bolts of pain. They gave me a stool softener and said we had to “wait” for it to work. Then the long hours of a sleepless night began.

One nurse suggested lying flat to get the “gas bubbles” out. I gave it a try with the touch of a button on the hospital bed. As soon as my body was horizontal I was met with sever lightning bolts of pain in my shoulder, pain in my abs, and back. I couldn’t get up fast enough. At least while sitting semi-reclined I could manage the pain a little better.

One nurse held my hand while I cringed in the fetal position during another lighting bolt of pain. The pain would take my breath away, be intense then, subside for seconds to minutes.

I found that not moving helped.

Remember I am just “waiting” to have a bowel movement so this pain will go away??? So, I propped pillows all around my semi-reclined body and breathed as shallow as I could. When a deep breath was needed I prepared for the pain, took a deep breath to make it count, and winced in pain while breathing in.  A cycle that was miserably repeated for several more hours that night.

Lets not forget to mention the pelvic aching, swelling, and bleeding that comes from the D&C recovery that was still present during that time, just not as painful.

At one of my lowest points that night I needed to urinate but physically could not stand up with out losing my balance, pounding in my ears, getting lightheaded, and doubling over in lightning bold shoulder pain. So, I had to use a bedpan. I felt SO pathetic.

I was grateful for the patient nurse who assisted me. The difficulty of having to move my body up and down to accommodate the bedpan made this no easy task but I was truly appreciated her kind words during my lowest point. 

Somehow the hours went by and now it was 24 hours post surgery. I had a bowel movement and the medication wore off. The shoulder pain had gone, the pelvic pain had simmered to cramping and mild aching, the pounding in my ears was gone, and my head was not spinning. I was discharged home.

The next few days’ recovery symptoms for the D&C were as followed…

• Day 1- Same-day surgery
• Day 2- Came home from hospital. Spotting. Painkillers as directed from my doctor. Pelvic area achy and swollen feeling. Body tired.
• Day 3- Spotted on and off that day. Felt a little swollen and achy. Painkillers and rested. Moody.
• Day 4 – Spotting. Less pelvic pain. Painkillers as needed.
• Day 5- Spotting
• Day 6- Spotting. Less moody. Felt like I had more energy.
• Day 7 – 11 Spotted
• Day 12 and On – The spotting had stopped but I felt like I was having digestive issues. I assumed it was the medication that messed with my digestive tract during the D&C. I would feel pressure in my pelvic area and thought I was having issues with bowel movements. Sometimes I would get uncomfortable pelvic aches so change positions, sit, stand, walk around. I began to research, “How to heal your gut?”

Little did I know what the true cause was…

How I dealt with the emotional loss.

This experience was an emotional rollercoaster.

By this point it had spanned 6 months of highs and lows.

My emotions where thin and tender. I felt anxiousness, excitement, anticipations, sadness, confusion, struggle, healing then repeat. It was exhausting.

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>>> Access this FREE download that will walk you through simple, repeatable, practices I personally used during my 5 miscarriage recoveries.

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During this emotional time these following practices truly helped me to process and move forward.

(There is a free download available that will walk you through these practices of processing your miscarriage!)

Okay, here they are. The simple questions that helped me to navigate the rollercoaster of emotions brought on by miscarriage…

1. It’s okay to ask why?
2. It’s okay to be sad.
3. It’s okay to talk about it.

Why?

I would allow myself time to sit and ask why. For me writing in a journal allowed me to process these thoughts and feelings. They are real. They needed to be addressed or they would consume me. My whys were never clear but through my faith in God I believe the miscarriages are still part of my family. It gives me peace.

Sad…

Yes, it’s okay to be sad!

I had 4 little kids depending on me, quiet time was hard to find. So when I found a spare minute to step away, I would say “It’s okay for me to sit here and be sad for 15 minutes then I need to focus on the good and move on.” To me this mental game helped me to acknowledge the sadness but give it boundaries. Of course I was still emotional sad, but it did not debilitate or consume me. I was able to take the needed steps to move forward, again…

One.Day.At.A.Time.

Talk…

When I was ready I began to share my trial with others. The support was healing. My cousin (with her own pregnancy loss) called it, “a special club no one wants to be in because it sucks, but we have each other.” We hugged, it was a beautiful moment.

At the end of January we went on a trip to visit my brother and his family for the weekend. For me family heals my soul and I was grateful to spend time with them. I remember asking my brother nutrition advice, “How to heal your gut?”

Ha ha yeah……….. continue story Miscarriage # 4 Part 2