Miscarriage #1

What my life was like a that time.

The great adventure! My husband and I had just moved away from our home town in warm Arizona to winter Idaho, we had no jobs, both started at a new university, knew only one other person, and it was snowing!

We also had a secret, I was pregnant! I was so proud of my mild symptoms, no nausea, but super hungry. I did have a few spots of blood here and there but nothing that I thought was alarming, since it was so infrequent and I was so new to pregnancy.

I was 10 weeks along at our first appointment. My husband and I went together. Such hopes and anticipation filled us as we waited patiently to be called back. No true signs that anything was amiss, yet.

I was taken off guard when the ultrasound revealed a baby measuring 6 weeks, with no heartbeat.

The tech kept quiet and took pictures. Then said that the Doctor would talk through the results with me. What had just happened? I knew it wasn’t good.

The Doctor was very sensitive to our emotions as she told my husband and I to prepare for a miscarriage. She told me that since I was 10 weeks already my body should miscarriage soon. But they also have options to help my body progress if needed.

1. Take medication to include the miscarriage naturally.
2. Wait for my body to process the miscarriage naturally on its own.
3. Schedule a D&C

I decided to go home and process everything. The Doctor talked about what I should expect as far as pain, amount of blood loss, size of clots to pass, and brown blood vs red blood. They took my blood to check my HCG levels and told me to come back in 3 days for another blood draw.

We left the doctors office very sad and somber.

How I dealt with the physical loss. (Natural)

Before I could return for my second HCG blood draw my body began to miscarry.

• Day 1- Spotting at night
• Day 2 – I began to pass blood and some blood clots during the day. Then through the night. The cramps started. Painkillers helped.
• Day 3 – Heavy flow. Frequent trips to the bathroom. Passing blood and clots. The cramps persisted and very uncomfortable that days. Painkillers helped.
• Day 4 – Spotting larger amounts and a few small clots. Mild cramps
• Day 5 – Spotting smaller amounts and a few small clots. Mild cramps
• Day 6 and On- Spotting here and there varying amounts. Blood color went from a red to a dark brown. Mild cramps

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During my miscarriage recovery I stayed home from my college classes most of that week.

On Day 4 I went to class, kept my campus time very short, took painkillers before to help with the cramping, brought extra pads, and pants. The classes when fine but my emotions were a mess!

How I dealt with the emotional loss.

How would I describe my first miscarriage?

Devastating.

It created a sadness that I had never experienced before. I was so sad. Crying frequently.

There was so much to process at once.

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The task of physically miscarrying had just begun, coupled with my emotional devastation. It was a rough time.

Support I received:

I called my mom and mother-in-law, and cried.

I called my dear friend that lived there (the only other person I knew in this college town). My friend ditched her classes, walked to my house, brought me a frosty, and just sat with me.

My husband was so supportive and kept trying to make me laugh all week.  

I received cards and sweet messages throughout that week expressing their support and sadness for me. These are cherished memories.

For comfort I turned to prayer and wrote in my journal. The feeling I got was  “All is well”. Those words did not fix my problems, but gave me the strength I needed to press forward…

One.Day.At.A.Time.